Legoland Day 2 - York to Windsor

Thursday 8th August

The Bar Convent was a really nice place. Not only did it have a wide selection of tea and coffee in the room, there was a large basket of biscuits. We all had a great sleep despite things going bump in the night. Not the ghost of a dead nun but N waking up in the dark, wandering around and banging his leg on the bed before I lead him back to the bed and he immediately conked out again. In the morning he had no memory (or bruise) of the occasion.

The Artful Dodger, York

Had a delicious breakfast of scrambled egg on toast, fruit and cereal in the covered central courtyard. (Would have had it in the garden but the seats looked a bit hard for my sore left butt cheek.) They even kindly printed out our tickets for the first day at Legoland. Nuns, eh? Nice folk. Who'd have thought it. No singing of "The Sound Of Music" or "Spoonful of Medicine" but you can't have everything. Am I asking too much?

At 10am we checked out and left our luggage (safely? Nuns are kind, but are they security conscious?) behind reception while we forayed back in to York for the morning. Our train was just before 1pm so we had time to go back to the Shambles and wander around again. N wanted to see the wand shop a second time but I was already getting sick to the back teeth of Hewlett Packard. 

The River Ouse, York

On the way there we passed a really nice old bookshop complete with movable ladder to reach the upper echelons. But no matter how great it felt to be in the shop inhaling disintegrating tome dust and the desiccated skin cells of long dead authors, no titles jumped out at me. 

In the next charity shop down though (Oxfam, same side of road) which also had a great selection of more modern books and records, the autobiography of Richard Prior called 'Prior Convictions' immediately leapt into my hand and began reading itself right then and there. I finished it over the course of the next two days and it's safe to say he shielded me from the full brunt of Legoland with his honesty, wit and insight. It is far and away one of the saddest most tragic stories I've ever stumbled upon. I had no idea the poor comic was so tortured. If you ever feel like your life is in the toilet and there's no way on for you, read this.

WoodsMill, River Ouse

Got train to Kings Cross (where we saw Platform nine and three quarters - Blimey! How much pop culture can one book idea spawn!?), Subway to Paddington, Train to Slough, Train to Windsor, walked to Oscar's Hotel, checked in and walked back to station to have dinner at Bill's Restaurant, where I had a beer and a Halloumi Burger and N had lemonade, beef burger and sweet potato fries and I have no memory of what M had. The Total came to £59 including 'Optional 10% tip' which was completely optional. Completely. But if we'd not wanted to pay it we might have had to say, "Er, excuse me, could we please change this tip to 7.5%? Because the seats were uncomfortable for me as I have a sore left butt cheek. No offence."

York sports many lovely pubs with abundant flowers

Oscars was (one of) the cheapest hotel(s) we could find in Windsor and had a wide variety of reviews from shit to shine, but we weren't that bothered with luxury, just needing a warm safe clean place to get our heads down while going to Legoland.

Funny thing was though, when I booked the hotel over the phone, the receptionist had a problem with the credit card machine running out of receipt paper and indirectly (or not) double-charging us. I called her back and she assured us they would refund the money when we get there... 

Oscars was cheap and cheerful but at twice the price we could have stayed at a real hotel made out of real Lego. When we checked in, the receptionist explained again how the mix up occurred. "Yes, I understand why the mixup occurred. I just want my double payment money back." But she said she couldn't access the bank account to make the refund. The manager would be here on Saturday to sort it out. 

This was going to put a whole dampener on the holiday. Instead of getting high strung at children screaming and frothing at the mouth because their parents won't buy them the next bit of plastic waste in this instant gratification capitalist hell-pit, I'd be distracted by whether or not Oscars was going to screw me over and how to deal with it.

And many artful but dodgy old houses

It occurred to me that if they hadn't paid up by our time to leave I would stand up straight with my chest expanded, hands up, palms out and say, "No! We are not leaving until I am refunded my double payment! We will stay twice as long if needs be to get what we've paid for!" But then I realised that would actually be in their favour, so decided against it. 

If the manager turned out to be a grouchy blue muppet in a bin I would be having strong words with his operator.

Windsor Castle, Windsor, hence the name

Incidentally the Oscars car park was completely empty making me wonder if we were the only guests, but the room itself was fine.  No biscuits though. Would it have been a sin to steal biscuits from a convent?

NB : This is Day Two and we still haven't even set a foot in LegoLand. That all happens in the next section. Stay tuned!

Legoland Day 1 - Yorkward Bound!

Wednesday 7th August 2019 

Watched Kung Fu Panda 3 while eating breakfast and getting ready to leave. I keep trying to find wisdom in Kung Fu Panda, as if it's some kind of deep form of metaphysical advice helping me find 'The Way'. But alas I have to keep reminding myself it's just a cartoon for kids. And yet, it seems to make a lot of sense. Inner peace. Be yourself. Be the best you you can be. A dramatic entrance is vital because the battle of the mind begins before the battle of fists.

View from the train

Left on foot with all our bags at around 10:20am and walked to the station. Managed to print out some train tickets to York at the station and took the train into Edinburgh Waverley, which was mobbed due to the Edinburgh Fringe. M insisted on taking an earlier train so we didn't have to rush for our connection at Waverley so instead ended up having to stand around for longer than necessary.

Micklegate, York

The queue for the toilets in Waverley was really long for the ladies and non existent for the men. Made me think of gender inequality. Didn't seem fair that women should have to wait for the toilets. Were gender neutral toilets the way forward? Or more cubicles for women? Or urinals for women? I didn't know. 

Smartphone zombies everywhere. Well, two. I think it should be permissible to throw a cream pie into someone's face if they are walking and looking at their phone at the same time.

Finally got on a really nice LNER train with red seats and mini screen displays telling us whether seats were reserved and where from/to, which is a nice change from having to check the white paper slips stuck in the back of the seats that I remember. Also very comfy and quiet, with air conditioning. N, M and I got a seat altogether at a table, prebooked. The train tickets seem to cost as much as the hotels. Why so expensive? Probably due to above. Made me wonder if maybe we should have just taken the train all the way to London in a oner rather than splitting it up over two days.

After playing slappy, thumb wars, and one potato two potato, we had some rather delish onigiri and I started work. The wifi seems not bad, and we have a plug socket, so I can relax in the knowledge that we'll arrive at our destination fully charged.

Looks like a right 'Shambles' to me!

As we passed what I believe was Torness Nuclear power station at North Berwick I couldn't help wondering why nuclear power stations all look like factories of death. Someone should really work on their PR. Maybe paint some mutated flowers on them or giant Hello Kitty's bleeding from the eyes. 

Right now I'm editing the wedding of D & Y, the chapter of the surprise Italian opera singer and Scottish chef, which happened right after dinner when everyone was bloated and sitting like overstuffed armchairs. Not bad, but I think Zombie singing waiters would have been an improvement. The next big thing for weddings, I'm convinced. They serve, they sing, bits drop off. Entrails slither out. They attack and eat the guests. The bride and groom have to fight them off with the big sword they use to cut the wedding cake, or a double headed axe hanging on the wall.

We've decided to break up the five hour train journey from Edinburgh to Windsor by stopping off halfway at York. Never been there before so quite looking forward to it. First night in a working convent so hopefully it has lots of history and ghostly nuns drifting through walls etc.

When we got to York at 2:30pm, and after checking in at the Bar Convent (Spanish style with central courtyard, tiled floor and garden) we set off in search of the famous 'Shambles' which apparently was the inspiration for Diagon Alley in Henry Potter. HP shops abounded in the tight, tourist trapped, tunnel-like terrace, so much so that I felt we'd stumbled into a Henry Pinter amusement park with posters of the old wizard Dusseldorf and villainous Scrape standing around with their wands out.

Bar Convent Hotel : Recommended Stay

N wanted to buy a blank notebook with a great leather cover depicting a dragon and latch, and since he'd recently finished his Happy Self Journal I was in half a mind to buy it. Unfortunately the other half of my mind wondered if perhaps we could get a cheaper one online. So we put it off until our next visit on the way home.

The ceilings in Bar Convent were extremely low and I was painfully conscious of bumping my head at some point. Fortunately due to the ubiquitous 'Mind Your Head' signs I didn't forget to take my head with me when we left.

Mind Yer Heid!

A Nice Message

Just received this nice message from author L. D. Wallace:

"I've just finished  'The Old Mice Killer' and all I can say is WOW! 

I loved it. Fab fun. Awesome. It's brilliantly quirky and excellently written. It's a mega hit! Highly addictive and I can't wait to read the next one."

Rubbish at French!?

Hard to believe the Eiffel Tower was just meant to be a temporary exhibit in an expo.

I had a very interesting conversation with my ten year old son today about his French class. It was prompted my a comment his French teacher made during their lesson which he was quite upset about.
According to him she said, "You are rubbish at French!"
First of all I tried to get him to calm down using the techniques I've discussed with him before. Take a deep breath, relax every part of your body. Because if you relax the body, you relax the mind. Did he know that? No, he didn't.
Good. Now he does. Score one for dad.
Then I tried to understand the context. Did she mean just him, or the whole class?
The whole class.
Is she French?
Yes.
Is she old or young.
I don't know, but she is wrinkly.
Did she teach you last year.
No. I mean yes.
Would you say your class is rubbish at French?
No. I mean, not all.
Who in your class would you say is good at French?
Me, and about eight others.
And how many are in the class?
18
So half the class is quite good at French and the other half is rubbish.
Yes.
Okay, that sounds about average. And what was said to prompt this outburst from the French teacher?
We were all reading something.
Together?
Yes, and we came to a new word that we had just learned that day.
And who could read it out loud?
No-one.
Well, it doesn't sound a very nice thing for a teacher to say to a class.
No, it's not.
The next time she says something like that maybe you can just mutter under your breath, "Sacre bleu!"
What does that mean?
I'm not sure. It's what French people say when they're surprised.

An Amusing Anecdote About Libraries

When I was a young man I used to get so excited upon entering a library I'd immediately need to go to the toilet. But in those days some libraries didn't have toilets that the public were allowed to use. I can't remember if it was in St Andrews or when I was living in Edinburgh, but when I went to visit the local library what would invariably happen was that I'd immediately need a dump and have to leave again to find a public toilet. Without fail.

If I were to describe my thought process upon entering a library as stream of consciousness it would read something like this: "At last, I've arrived! Look at all these wonderful books! A universe, a veritable wealth of knowledge and adventure packed between the covers of every one. I can't wait to get started on some new journey of the imagination and intrigue ... I'll be right back."

Open Letter To Theresa May

It's totally cool to write letters to the Prime Minister

27^thMarch 2019

Dear Mrs May,

Thank you for the hard work and efforts you've put in to honour the results of the 2016 EU Referendum, in which I was one of the 17,410,742 people who voted Leave.

At that time I thought it would be better for the UK to have more control over its destiny, but I have to confess that I'm neither an economist nor very smart. I didn't clearly understand the ramifications of Brexit and my optimism and positivity often lead me to make unrealistic and in hindsight not very good decisions.

For example at the time I didn't realise the problems that would arise regarding the border between Northern Ireland and Eire. Nor did I expect so many huge companies to be forced to leave the UK due to the imposing of enormous tax duties. The chlorination of chicken offered on a plate by the US is similarly not very attractive. A lot of other EU rules regarding the environment are actually pretty good and I'd hate to see them be at risk after we leave.

In summary a lot of things have come to light since the referendum that weren't clear then, and we're all a lot better informed. That's why I'd like to say that I'm sorry, I've changed my mind and believe a second referendum is the only way forward.

Yours sincerely,

Chris Young

The Deputation (1)

Below is more or less what I read out at a West Lothian Council Executive meeting (when a member of the public does it they need to request a 'deputation') at Livingston Civic Centre this morning about the transfer of Carmondean Library to the Ability Centre building across the road.

Carmondean Library, Livingston North

Good morning, and thank you for the opportunity to speak before the council this morning. Just to introduce myself, my name is Chris Young, I'm a member of West Lothian Writers and the Federation of Scottish Writers and I love libraries. 

I'm originally from East Kilbride but have lived in or near Livingston for the past 7 years. I've been writing since I was 17, and spent many happy hours in the E.K. Central Library lost in books or studying for my highers thanks to which I was able to go on to study at St Andrews and gain a degree. I firmly believe that having a study area away from home where I could concentrate and have every reference at my fingertips helped me pass my exams.

When I lived in Japan in a suburb of Tokyo called Machida, the library there had a great selection of English books, and it was these which helped me stay out there for so long. Not only reading Science Fiction by Philip K Dick, but also the English translations of Japanese classics like 'I am a Cat' by Natsumi Soseki.

While in Japan and researching the internet where to come back to with my family in 2012 I remember zooming in on Carmondean via Google maps and being very happy to find a location that had a supermarket, a train station, a kindergarten, a health centre, a library and a pub all in close proximity. Saturday was Dad day and I took my son to the library, where we enjoyed the books, and then the cafe, before going home. I knew immediately that Carmondean Library was a very valuable resource for children and adults. It seemed well stocked with thousands of books that would take several years to get through. It had plenty of space, study materials, computers and study rooms for when I tutored students. It even had computers for kids and a wooden train for them to climb on. The staff were helpful and friendly. And it was quiet.

These days we are suffering from a 'Screen Epidemic'. It's a major challenge for parents to get their children away from games, movies and social media. It has actually been shown in a study that too much screen time can have an adverse effects on children's exam results. Whereas other studies have shown that those who read fiction actually live longer than those who don't. Having Carmondean Library reduced and hidden away would be another blow for parents trying to fight screen addiction.

A good library, like Carmondean, is worth its weight in gold, because each book is like buried treasure waiting to be discovered. 

So libraries should be protected, like parks, museums, green belts and forests. A good library is a book sanctuary, a safe place for troubled minds to escape their daily stresses. The link between mental health and physical health has been well documented and good libraries provide for this. A walk there prevents a plethora of ills.

As an English language teacher I also have an interest in child literacy. In Japan I was teaching young people from the age of three upwards, and one of the challenges was familiarising them with these alien shapes that we like to call 'the alphabet' and how they relate to sounds. 

Libraries are educational through fun and creativity. When I returned to Scotland I often got requests from parents to help coach their children – usually people from overseas, but occasionally a Scottish family would find that their child was struggling with English and ask me to help. That's when I realised that some young people in Scotland have a problem with literacy. And the best answer I could give them is reading for enjoyment. 

Mark Twain dug libraries

And now to the subject of budget cuts. I know times are hard and ways have to be found to save money. Have the following measures been considered?

Putting in a lower ceiling to reduce heating bills.

Installing solar panels on the south facing roof to reduce bills

Charging more for late returns.

Renting out DVDs, Blu Rays, Cds, Games, Audio books

Advertising on billboards on the outer walls

Appealing to the public to raise funds to keep the library open

Volunteers

Donation Book clubs, Writing clubs

Lawrence Banks who I met through my Facebook page 'Save Carmondean Library,' had this to say: “This is a valuable local facility and is a central location. This library is essential and should be kept open as it allows locals to read good books and assists children when students are preparing for exams. Removing this facility would disenfranchise local students whose life chances would be lessened by renoving Carmondean Library. Keep Carmondean Library open.”

So to summarise then I just wanted to let you know that Lawrence and I at least feel that Carmondean Library ought to be preserved and I don't think we're the only ones. The local people have their lives enriched by its proximity, like a park or museum. If it's tucked away it'll be out of sight out of mind. If it's not as good as it was, fewer people will avail it of its services. Reading should be celebrated. Yes, hospitals, fire stations and police services are important, of course they are, but so are adventures of the human spirit. Affairs of the heart. Characters that teach us persistence over adversity. Real life inspiring autobiographies. If the library is reduced, diminished, so will the rainbow colours of Carmondean. So will the light of the smiles on adults and children's faces. If Carmondean Library is sold off to become a McDonalds or a Starbucks, the unique culture of the area will sadly suffer.

So I'd like to request more time to do a thorough public consultation with an online petition, large boards in the entranceway of Carmondean Library notifying the public of the situation with a comments box, flyering and street surveys, and to present the findings at the next meeting.

I'd like to finish with some quotes:

“A library is a place where you can lose your innocence without losing your virginity.” 
― Germaine Greer

“Whatever the cost of our libraries, the price is cheap compared to that of an ignorant nation.” 
― Walter Cronkite

“I don't believe in colleges and universities. I believe in libraries because most students don't have any money. When I graduated from high school, it was during the Depression and we had no money. I couldn't go to college, so I went to the library three days a week for 10 years.” 
― Ray Bradbury

“In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.” 
― Mark Twain

Thank you.