Ultimately we had to ask George to leave the brass band. He was just too modest. He hated to blow his own trumpet. The conversation went like this:
“I'm sorry George, you're really good, but you have to leave.”
“Why?”
“Because you don't do anything. Don't get me wrong, you're really the best player we've ever had, but you just sit there doing nothing, missing your parts and taking up a chair.”
“Well, I don't like to blow my own trumpet.”
“But you have to.”
“I don't want to.”
“Then why do you come here then?”
“I love music, it's a part of my life. I love playing the trumpet. It's like breathing. Out.”
“Yes, you're a real musician. We've never heard a better trumpeter.”
“Thanks. You're too kind, but it's really nothing.”
“But there's no point you being here if you don't play in the concerts. We need a trumpeter to play your parts.”
“But I don't like blowing my own trumpet.”
“I understand that.”
“Can I blow Tom's trumpet?”
“No, you can't. Tom blows his own trumpet. He needs his own trumpet for his parts.
“Can I play the clarinet?”
“But you're shit at the clarinet. Mary is much better than you at the clarinet.”
“I just have a problem blowing my own trumpet. Seems wrong somehow.”
“Have you taken it to a trumpet repair shop to have a look at it?”
“It's not that.”
“What is it then?”
“I think my trumpet may be haunted.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Every time I blow into it, I – I feel out of breath somehow. A strange stiffness in my joints. Especially the knuckles of my right hand. I hear voices.”
“Voices? What do they say?”
“They say 'Ooooooh, Ooooooh, Rrumpety pumpty pump.”
“Those are the noises a trumpet makes.”
“My trumpet used to belong to my great uncle Arthur, who died playing it one winter's day.”
“How did he die?”
“He got his tongue stuck. Maybe I could be the conductor?”
“That's my job. Look, I know you don't like to brag about it, but there's a time and a place where we have no choice other than to blow our own trumpet. Especially if you're a trumpet player and you're in a brass band.”
“How about the triangle?”
© Chris Young 2018
Image Credit : https://www.goodfreephotos.com
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